Unpredictable Routines

One of the greatest thing I struggle with is as A new mom is giving up the lack of a predictable schedule. Prior to having a baby, I'd come to the conclusion that there are 3 things I love having be part of my daily routine and the investment in the time I put into them just makes me a happier, saner and calmer person. They are: exercise, meditation and writing. I would also add that I am a happier person when I have sleep and feeling connected to my friends and family - whether through long, chatty emails or coffee/wine dates with friends or catching up on our day over dinner with Matt. However, I've never really struggled to make these last two a priority - it's the first three that I know I need in my life, but I let fall off the radar.

In my pre-baby life, I always somehow managed to make time for these things. I would figure out where they fit in, and when I was planning out my day, they became non-negiotables. I'd always get thrown for a huge loop whenever I'd have a major life change (moving, changing jobs, etc) and realize I needed to recalibrate how they fit in… but after a few months, I'd have put the puzzle pieces back together. What I've struggled with this time, is that it's not just a matter of a giving it a month or two to see where things fit in. Things change every single month. Sometimes they feel like they change every single week. 

And truth be told, I'm the happiest and most content I've ever been in my life…. so the lack of these habits isn't as glaring as it's been in past times of my life. But I still miss doing them, and I know that as content as I feel right now, I'd probably elevate it to freakin' amazin' when I make more of a priority to fit those things in. 

I consistently try, and I'll persistently try. About once a month, I find myself sitting down and roughly sketching out what Bo's schedule happens to be looking like that month. I'll write out his schedule, and then I'll try to figure out where I can fit my puzzle pieces in. For awhile, it was doing the elliptical during his first nap. Then, when it started getting warmer out, it became going for a walk/run in between his 2nd and 3rd nap. He's staying awake for longer in the morning, and I'm reevaluating whether it's finally a good time for us to be able to get a YMCA visit in between waking up and napping again. For awhile, I was writing and meditating in between his 5 am bottle and 7 am bottle. When he dropped the 5 am feed, I did a happy dance and of course, stopped waking up then. I wrote more at night, even though I know I'm more clear headed and creative in the morning. Now that he's sleeping 12 hours, I'm making myself go to bed at 10 and attempting to wake up an hour before him to write. Just when I figure it out though, I know it will change. It's just how it is now and how it's going to be. Accepting that has been my own personal point of resistance. 

As a life coach, I was constantly (and am constantly) telling moms to make time to take care of themselves. I realize now, that what that really translates to is, "decide what other things you're going to give up, to fit the super important stuff in." Can't do it all, and that's that. Exercise, meditation and writing are important to me. Keeping my kid happy and well-fed and well-rested are important, as are feeding my husband a healthy meal (since ya know, he's off at work every day allowing me to stay home with my darling boy), and keeping the house…relatively clean. You can't eat off my floors and if you rang my doorbell, I'd quickly sweep a pile of half-way folded laundry into the bedroom and shut the doors. I rarely do the crafts I pin on Pinterest and I'm coming to embrace air-dryer hair. I'm okay with all this. I'm great with all this in fact… I fully recognize that my "problem" (trying to figure out when to run or blog) is an indication of a pretty fortuitous life. 

I read a quote one time about babyhood being an "agonizingly short period of time." I already feel the sands of time slip through my fingers when I look at my quickly growing up baby, and I know I'll look back on these days and feel like they passed in a blink. When I think about this, I feel less anxious about trying to fit all the puzzle pieces back in. There will be plenty of other seasons in my life where they fit in effortlessly. 

8 Months

Bowen :: Eight Months Old

Weight: No official weigh in this month again, and I haven't weighed him on my own. He's wearing mostly 9 month onesies and sleepers, or 6-12 month shirts. I'm very curious to get official stats next month! 

Eats: He drinks 4 bottles a day - 3 are 7 oz and one 4 oz. He eats 3 meals a day - 2 that are oatmeal and a fruit/veggie and a mid-day veggie. While Matt and I were gone for a week, he went from fumbling around trying to get the Puffs in his mouth to one hundred percent mastery.  

Sleeps: He sleeps from 7:00-7:00 at night and still takes 3 naps a day. His first nap is a short one, his mid-day nap is the longest and his 3rd nap often happens in the car seat or the jog stroller. If he misses the 3rd nap, sometimes he's in bed by 6:30! 

Hair & Eyes: His hair is growing in so fuzzy up top and still very blonde. His eyes are definitely still blue - is it safe to say they will stay that way?

Nicknames: Bo, Bowie, Biscuit, Biskers, Biskers Whiskers

Milestones: Two teeth have fully popped through this month and I love the little toothy grin! He babbles a mile a minute now - da da da, ma ma ma, ba ba ba, na na na, ya ya ya. I love hearing his sweet little voice! He sits up to play and easily passes toys back and forth between his hands. He's also figured out how to drink from a sippy cup, although he pretty much gives himself a bath in the process. He has the best laugh, and gets himself totally tickled at the sound of it. This month, Matt and I went on vacation for a week and Bo hung out at home with my mom. I think this was more of a milestone for me! It was great to spend some time with Matt and our friends (and sleep in!) but I was beyond ready to get home to him at the end of the week! 

Likes: Mealtimes, oatmeal, puffs, pears, bananas, sweet potatoes… etc. Beebopping in his exersaucer, grabbing Buddy's ears, chewing on books, turning bath time into a wave pool, toys that crinkle, empty wipes packages that crinkle, the sound of his own voice turned up LOUD.

Dislikes: Being prevented from putting the iPhone or remote in his mouth, finishing a bottle, running out of Puffs, being awake for too long. 

I don't know where the time has gone. Three quarters of a year have already past! Sometimes I look at you and I see a boy growing up so fast, and other times when you snuggle into my neck, I remember that you are still a little bitty baby. You are at such a fun stage and it makes my heart swell to hear your full-belly laugh. I love driving around town listen to your chatter away in the car seat or watching you play with your toys (or a crumpled up water bottle, more often than not.) You are such a joy to both your Dad and I, and we love our little life with you.

Park City, Utah

We had such an amazing trip to Utah. I'm not sure the picture I took can do justice to how beautiful it is out there. I am not a cold weather person by any means, but there is something about the beauty and vastness of the mountains out there that just have me enamored with this state.










This was my 3rd trip out to Utah with our wonderful tour guides, Zac and Jamie. We stayed right outside Park City and packed 4 days of snowboarding into our week long trip. A record amount for us, and my tired bones felt it by the last day! We were a little nervous upon our arrival, because it seemed like spring was right around the corner in Utah but the snow gods were good to us though, and we ended up getting fresh snow - LOTS of it - twice during the week.







Jamie and I even took a day off the slopes to travel to Heber City to try out a dance trance studio. We had a blast doing 90 minutes worth of songs we had never seen before, and they were kind enough to let us steal the stage and teach them 2 new songs too.



For as many calories as we burned on the mountain, we certainly did our best to replenish them with some of the most delicious food in Utah. We went to one of our favorite places in Park City, Maxwell's, twice. We ate Cafe Rio twice as well (what can I say, we know what we like.) We also had an incredible Italian dinner in downtown Park City at Buona Vita. The two stand outs, though, were High West Distillery and Red Iguana. High West is a whiskey distillery in Park City housed in a old garage with an eclectic menu and of course, a robust cocktail/whiskey menu.



The line outside Red Iguana on a random Wednesday evening was a great indication of what was to come. Their feature was the 7 different types of mole sauce which our waiter allowed us to sample. The meal was incredible, right down to my favorite part - the refreshing and unique pepino (cucumber) margarita.





We had a wonderful time being with friends, and enjoying long, leisurely dinners out to eat and taking naps and sleeping in on the off-mountain days. Both of us were so fortunate to have grandparents keep our babies and keep us abreast of happenings at home with FaceTime, video and pictures. I was admittedly more sad to leave Bo than I thought I would be, and by the time our last day rolled around I was wishing the Star Trek teleported was a thing because I wanted to be home and hold my baby boy IMMEDIATELY. Saturday was a long, long, long day of travel home. I am incredibly indebted to my mom for spending an whole week doing momma-duties to my little guy and taking great care of him.

7 Months

Bowen :: Seven Months Old

Weight: No official weigh in this month, but I think he's right around 19 lbs. He's definitely getting longer too - his footie pajamas are getting too small! He wore 3-6 through this month and I packed them up at the end of the month, moving on to the 6-9 months (or 6-12, or 9 month sleepers, depending on the brand.) He is one solid kid.

Eats: He still drinks 4 bottles a day - 3 are 7 oz and the last one is 5 oz. He eats 2 meals a day of oatmeal, one fruit and one veggie. He's a big fan of mealtime.

Sleeps: He's in a pretty good routine of 7:00pm-7:00am and 3 naps a day. Most of the naps are in the crib, although he'll get a snooze in if we're driving somewhere late afternoon. Just like his mama - can't resist a good car nap. He still wakes up at the 25-30 min mark each nap, and will babble to himself for awhile in the crib before falling back asleep.

Hair: Blonde! Fuzzy! I loves it. Now that he's spending more of his playtime sitting up, his hair in the back is starting to grow in too!

Eyes: Baby blues. Love them.

Nicknames: Bo, Bowie, Biscuit, Biskie, The Biskers, Biskers Whiskers, Fussy Bussy

Milestones: In addition to "da da da" he has added "ma ma ma." Sadly, I usually hear that when he's sad or hungry, and the "da da da" when he's happy and excited. Rude! He's mastered seating and plays upright most of the time now. He's still not rolling over - but I can't say I'm complaining bout that. It's nice to put him down and know he'll stay put. He had his first airplane ride this month (4 of them, in fact) and I can't say he was particularly impressed. He was, however, very delighted with his first swim in a pool! 

Likes: Pretty much all food, but especially oatmeal, pears, bananas and mangoes. Rocking out in his exersaucer, grabbing the Spuds' ear, shrieking, bath time tsunami, pulling my hair, banging on his high chair tray, holding his own spoon, swimming pools, toys that crinkle.

Dislikes: Not being able to put the iPhone in his mouth, trying to nap on a plane, the end of a bottle, being overtired, getting the sun in his eyes on a run. 

7 months! When I say I have a 7 month old baby, it officially feels like I no longer have a "new baby." I mean, I know he was no longer a newborn as of about 4 months ago, but just being on the other side of the half-year makes me feel like he's SO OLD. Bo, this month you have become busy busy. You are so interested in your surroundings and love to smile and giggle when someone approaches you. You are a delight and it just keeps getting better and better! Happy 7 months, Biscuit! 

Stories

Bo has become so aware of Buddy. When he's in his exersaucer, he shrieks with delight when Buddy goes by wiggles and stomps and does just about anything he can to get his attention. If he passes close enough, Bo will reach out and grab his ear, fur splayed through his squishy little fingers. Buddy, bless his old man heart, could care less. There's a lot about that dog that causes me grief, but when he sits there patiently waiting for the baby to let go of him, I grab his little snout and give him one of the most earnest "good dogs" he's earned in all his life.

Bo has a new smile! I loved his old smile, but this one is pure joy. Before he'd smile a big open mouth grin, but now he scrunches his nose back and opens his mouth so big, you can see his gums up top. He is so generous with his smiles - even throughout our tenuous airport adventures, he'd smile the second someone looked into his face and cooed a bit. I'm pretty sure he knows he's cute.

At his 6 month check up, I mentioned to the pediatrician he wasn't babbling yet. I wasn't super concerned about it, because he's incredibly vocal… just no actual babbling yet. Literally the next day, he started saying "da da da da da" and it's been nonstop. Just in case I was feeling left out, he'll switch to "maaaa maaaa maaaa" when he's sad or whiny.

I wonder how much of his personality I'll look back on and realize was already present at this age. It's hard to know what's really his personality and what's just a baby being a baby. He already knows how to be coy - when a new person approaches and he's in my arms, he'll smile, dart his head away and then whip it back around to see their reaction. Then he'll giggle and do it again. He gets frustrated easily - today, I watched him reach reach reach for my water bottle on the floor. His fingers could touch it but it was too big for him to grab and not close enough for him to pull it towards him. I angled the top towards him - so he could wrap his fingers around it and pull it towards him - and watched as he tried again. He kept trying, but with each attempt he became more and more vocal. He finally got it (success!), pulled it towards his mouth and immediately started chewing on it. Then he looked up at me, as if to say "see what I did there, mama?"

Sometimes when he's sitting in my lap playing, I just stare down at the patterns of hair on his perfect little head and wonder how it's possible to love such a little tiny person so much.


 

The Hard Ones {Musings from the Life Coach Part of my Brain}

I have a soft spot for hard people. 

It's inevitable. The same story every time. I don't know why they end up coming to coaching in the first place - they signed up for the research study but didn't really want to change. They called in for free coaching offered by their health insurance, but didn't really want to change. They pay me, week after week, for my coaching services...but don't really want to change. 

I don't know how I end up with them, but they end up getting in my head and heart and I have to figure out how to crack them. They're the pistachio shell that won't open - but I'm relentless. They should just quit. They should quit because they don't really want to change, but for some reason after they talk to me two or three times they don't quit. I think they know I want to figure out what makes them tick. And I think they sort of want to know too, so they stick around long enough because they want to see if I'll figure out the puzzle. The puzzle they haven't been able to figure out themselves.

When I think back on my coaching history, my most memorable clients all fall into two camps. There are the eager ones, the open minded ones, the ones who embrace being coached with their arms spread wide open. These are the ones who get it, who make me want to shout YESSS!!! in the middle of our calls and the ones who make big, glorious, life altering changes. I love coaching them. 

Then there are the hard ones. They don't quit, but they fight change every step of the way. I don't fight with them though. I refuse to fight them. I stand next to them and try to see what it is they're throwing punches at. Once they realize I'm next to them, they let me try to help. Oh, I love coaching them. 

Today, I found out one of my former coaching clients died. She actually died last year but I just learned about it today. She was a hard one - maybe one of the hardest I've ever had. She came in swinging punches, and I had to duck a time or two before she'd let me near. But I love coaching her. It always pained me that I never felt like we figured out her puzzle. I worked with her for more than a year before she moved on, and she kicked and screamed the whole time. She didn't quit coaching. But she didn't change. I learned today that she died of pretty major health complications. I can't go into details, obviously, because of confidentiality. But they were the same health issues we had sat and talked about five years ago. The very same ones. Five years ago, we talked about changing and she decided not to. And she's not here today because of that decision. 

I read the email with the news of her passing - a long three paragraphs describing her final months. I guess she was as difficult a client for death as she was for health. I read the email, I closed my computer and I sobbed. 

I can still picture her perfect, precise handwriting on her food logs. She looked like she used a ruler to write the lines when she's write portions of 1/4 or 1/2. I asked her one day - she did. She was perfect and precise in her measurements. She was perfect and precise in her logging. She'd show me this, as if it was evidence of the commitment she was making.

I'll never understand why some people decide not to change. I wrote that sentence because it sounded right, but even as I did, I knew it was not the truth. I've coached too many people to pretend that I don't understand why people change. I understand stagnancy and hesitation almost better than I understand momentum and stamina. 

I've been privileged enough to be let in on so many people's lives. It's staggering when I stop to think about the number of people who I have coached or talked to or collaborated with. There are so many amazing stories of change, of the "lightbulb moment." I've born witness countless times to that moment when someone's voice cracks and all that can come forward are tears, and then understanding, and then hope, and then freedom. I love that moment. It's why I do what I do. It's what anyone who goes into a helping profession hopes to do - help. 

You have to know, going into this kind of work, that you can't help everyone. You can't help everyone, and you certainly can't save anyone. It's never been listed in my job description that I could. But there's always the eternal hope for me, that when one of the tough ones moves on from my life, that at the very least we planted a seed. That maybe our conversations have armed them with the tools and in the right moment, the right environment, the right second of their life... they'll be able to figure out the pieces of their puzzle. They'll be able to save themselves.

I always hold that hope. 

Flying with a Baby, Part 2

So many people asked us how the return flight went or said they were sending us good juju for it, that I thought I'd follow up with a second (oh so exciting!) post about flying with a baby.

The return flight home went PERFECT. Flawless! He slept the whole time.

 

Ha. Psyche. It was actually pretty much exactly the same as the flights there BUT I felt like this time we were more prepared for the meltdowns and sort of figured out how to deal with them. I guess we're just seasoned veterans at the ol' traveling with an infant thing by now, is what I'm saying. (Please note, that's written in my sarcasm font.)

I had gotten really, really helpful advice from lots of friends who had done this before and read just about every "flying with a baby" blog I could find. They were super helpful with logistics and helping me plan ahead, but there's just no telling how any baby will react in new situations!

These are a few things that helped us out on round 2, to deal with the meltdowns and make our journey relatively less painful than the first go-round:

- We didn't pre-board. Getting on first is a nice bonus when you're fighting people for overhead space, but we realized the benefits of being able to freely roam the terminal until the last minute trumped that. (If you're traveling with a spouse and do need to put something overhead, send one person on normal boarding and the other wait.) We literally boarded as the very last people - I spent as much time as I could in both airports (we had a layover) walking up and down the terminal with Bo in my Bjorn. The motion kept the fussing at bay, and sometimes even helped him fall asleep.

(Bonus! When I got home that night, I had 9,327 steps on pedometer. That's the equivalent of about 4.5 miles of walking. With a 19 lb weight. Extra cardio for the win! And I totally canceled that out by stealing all of Matt's fries at dinner! Oh well!)



- Standing in the back of the plane with the baby bjorn: Matt and I took turns doing this. At the back of the plane, the white noise would either a) conk him out and we'd creep back to our seats, carefully sit down and not move for the 25ish minutes he'd sleep or b) drown him out. I didn't feel quite as bad about him crying since I knew the other passengers couldn't really hear him. (That sounds terrible - obviously I felt bad he was crying, but I knew WHY he was crying and that he was just sad because he was tired and we were making the best of the situation and oh blah blah blah, why am I justifying this, you're all my friends and no one is going to judge me.)

I actually had a flight attendant when there was quite a bit of turbulence say to me, "I just have to tell you that the seatbelt sign is on… I'm not telling you what to do, it's just my duty to tell you that it's on. I know why you are back here and I appreciate it." In general, the FA's were super nice as were the people at TSA. We didn't have any problems with taking stuff (bottles, formula, food) through security and the TSA people were always super careful and courteous when handling his food/milk. (I just felt I needed to give a little TSA shout out since they usually get such a bad rep.)

- I didn't give him a bottle on take off and landing. Everyone told me to do this to account for the pressure changes, but with the flight schedule we were on I would have been giving him four bottles within a six hour period. That's more than he usually has in one day! And giving him a "small bottle" doesn't work - he just chugs it and screams for more. I just stuck to his normal eating schedule - every 4 hours - and it worked fine. He never seemed bothered by the take off or landings.



All in all, we survived, we learned a few things along the way, and earned ourselves yet another new parenting badge. (Thank you, Kathryn for the actual badge!) And most importantly, we gained a whole new appreciate for the beauty of road trips.